I am very proud today!

If  you search today in Google for “two headed dong” this site is numero UNO. Yeah! Two Headed Puppy owns the term “two headed dong”. In your face all sites that are competing for that keyword!

If you decide not to follow my recommendation (from the previous post), here are some rules that I have put forth when I !volunteer to paint:

• When my head is stuck in that area behind the toilet and I am painting back there, don’t ask me how it’s going.
• You get three coats: primer or coat 0, coat 1 and then coat 2. Be careful when choosing colors. There are only so many statistical, chromatic and chemical combinations possible with those three coats.
• It’s never fun, so questions in that realm are moot. Term “painting party” is an oxymoron.
• Colors? I have no clue which color I am using to paint. I just paint to cover the surface. It does not matter what color I am painting with. It’s purely mechanical.
• I do not take drugs and I am not an alcoholic. But, when I paint, I like to have a few glasses of wine to both cure the monotony and create artificial excitement in my head.
• By letting my paint touch your wall you acknowledge that you are employing the services of a total and utter amateur painter. You thus take all responsibilities and liabilities that come along with hiring an amateur.
• It will probably take me three times as long to finish the work as I had initially estimated.
• I will make unlimited trips to the hardware store.
• I’ll do prep work but I will not enjoy it. (prep = blah,  paint immediately = yeah)
• I do own safety goggles to protect my eyes from the paint drops spraying from the roller. I will never wear them. I will try to evade the droplets as they come and believe in the small statistical probability that they will actually hit my eyes.
• I do use a tarp to cover the floor, furniture and everything else not intended for painting. However, after ten or fifteen minutes it usually gets in my way so I put it aside. At that time I am very careful not to let any paint on your stuff.
• Please do not expect “professional looking results”, expect more like “casual participant looking results”.
• My services, though free, may cost more in the end then hiring a pro.
• When do I start?

Well don’t!

Well, one time I made nothing. But then another time I made zero so that was better. And then I had a good period where I did not make any money. It’s sort of up and down as you see. Some months are better than others.

Definition:

The most used phrase in fifth grade.

Definition:

An apartment that is usually not luxurious at all.

It was a grey area between continued shenanigans and the resolution. Where did the shenanigans stop and where did the resolution begin? Black and white points of view blended into a grey mass of, into a grey mass of grey inbetween mass.