Almost every day I find one in one of my pockets. I think there must be some fairy that puts them inside my shirt pockets, jeans, shorts. When I am out and about, I start feeling something unusual in my pockets, something thin and uncomfortable, and of course, it’s another gift card. They are not themed or anything. Each one is to some random store and the amounts are always fifty dollars ($50). I have them right here in front of me. I have used a few just to see if they are valid .. and they are. I asked everyone that could possibly do this and they all have no idea what’s happening. They would not believe me until I showed it to them. I sensed some jealousy later. I feel a bit guilty now of getting all this free stuff. WTF. I should be happy I know, but I am antsy. My friends told me to go out and spend some of them. It should make me feel better. I am not sure if it would make me feel better or worse … I cannot even regift them because it says on the back of the cards “cannot be used by another person” blah blah … and I cannot go to the police because I really have no case for them. What should I do?

another one in the wishful thinking series of stories

Which is your preference? Would you rather cash and carry or would you rather wash and wear?

This one is not easy so I’ll give you some time to think.

I wonder if there is a company out there called Ctrl+Alt+Del, this would have to be their slogan:

Ctrl+Alt+Del Corporation. The Power to Reset!

I was walking down the street the other day with my Two Headed Puppy t-shirt on. Then one dude says how cool my shirt is. He was drunk I am pretty certain. I just nodded and kept moving - but I really wanted to go over there and hug and thank him for noticing it and shouting out at me like that … I didn’t … I just kept walking being all faux cool and whatever … Should have hugged him!

“Gosh, I think I met you somewhere before. ”

“My name is not Gosh.”

“Ha Ha Ha. You have that same type of humor. Golly!”

“No. I do not know you and my name is not Golly either.”

“Geez, don’t get testy now! I remember you as testy. :) :)”

“I am not Geez. I have my own name and it’s not Geez! OK?”

“OKee Dokee Finokee Pokee”

“Pokee you in the face if you don’t stop being sooo annoyingly friendly. Get your hands off me … Arrrghhh”

No, YOUR bill is enclosed.

I live very near the Pacific Ocean. In fact many times a day I catch a glimpse of this marvelous body of water either through my car window, when strolling by its shores or perhaps at a nearby cafe.

Only in the past month have I realized that, if I can see it and if I am next to it, I am then experienced at everything about it. I AM a Marine Biologist, or if I wanted to, I could be an expert surfer, captain of a ship, deep sea diver, pleasure boat entertainer, environmentalist and even an off-shore oil driller. I am scurrying now to update my resume as this wealth of experience overwhelms me. I have finally been given an opportunity to do something great with my life.

Living near the Pacific Ocean has given me so much to be thankful for and (as I just learned) so much experience. It’s AWESOME!

This suspension of all Two Headed Puppy campaign work will last throughout the night while Two Headed Puppy sleeps. The suspension will continue night after night until Two Headed Puppy catches up with sleep … (send to press immediately)

Chunky is a master juggler